First days stink. Hell, first weeks aren't much better. They've hired you, whomever they are, and they're paying you, at least that's what they've said, and for some reason you feel the need to prove that you're worth at least a little of what they're ostensibly paying you. First, it's important to know that that feeling goes away fairly quickly, so if you're one of those people who can hold on just a little while, do so. If you're not, here are some suggestions to help you get through those tough couple of weeks when you care about your employer.

Show up wearing jeans and a pullover, preferably torn up ones to make the most important of all the first impressions that will determine how your short lived career will be with your new employer, that of looks. While this seems an odd choice to wear on your first day and bound to make a bad impression, the simple fact is that it shows you're ready to "dig in" and "get to work." The boss will see this and know it. Or they won't.

While dress is an important (if not shallow) first impression, the only thing that is perhaps looked at more closely is how quickly it seems you get to work. Most places, even the better ones, don't have a computer for you on your first day, and even if they do, it won't be set up right. If you walk in and a computer is there, working, quit right away. It's akin to seeing a black cat cross your path before turning onto a foggy stretch of highway prone to accidents. It's just a bad omen. If it's not set up, and it won't be, then ask for the tech support desk hotline and complain loudly. Loudly enough for the boss to hear anyway. Show them that even though it's your first day, you're not taking any shit. It really doesn't matter what you do once you have a working computer, you scored points just getting it.

Lastly, and this may seem strange, disappear for an hour. When you come back, don't explain anything, to anyone. Just disappear and reappear. Disappear and reappear. No boss wants to feel like they don't know what their employee is doing, so they'll assume it's important and work related. Your fellow coworkers will envy the bravado that you seem to manage your job with, and you get an extended lunch or smoke break.

These may sound crazy and, to be honest, they are crazy, but it is always the little things that will give you the edge over the khakis wearing drone every time. Remember, if you are listening to these tips then you were probably not hired because people thought you'd fit in. You were hired because you're crazy and different, and everything that the guy who hired you is not. Remember that.

- The Staff