Have you made your New Years resolutions yet? You know, those little things that where you say to yourself, "I'm going to lose weight in this New Year. I'm going to quit being shy at company parties. I'm not going to be such a wanker to my brother anymore." Well, we've got a few suggestions for you. They're pretty standard:

• Resolve to spend less.
• Resolve to do your little part for the environment.
• Resolve to stop smoking.
• Resolve to spend more time with you spouse, significant other, pet, or whatever.
• Resolve to get a batter apartment or buy a house this year.
• Resolve to get that makeover.
• Resolve to not be single.
• Resolve to know that you know not a damn one of these is going to happen anytime this year.

Look, you know it, and we know it. Nothing you set down as a New Years resolution is going to come true. Ask yourself, have they ever? You put on more weight this year even though you said you were going to take it off, didn't you? People at work still view you as the same schmuck that got drunk quietly at the bar by yourself at the Christmas party this year as they did last, don't they? It's not that we object to putting on weight, or getting drunk silently. In fact, we whole heartedly approve of the latter, we just want to remind you that just because you resolved it, doesn't mean it's going to happen.

The problem? Well spudWorks, being a whole company of people who drink silently by themselves at company parties (which makes for a pretty boring party when we throw one), knows perhaps better than anyone what that problem really is. The resolutions you set for yourself are either too unrealistic so that when you actually sit down to make them happen it's frustrating to see what's actually involved, or they just really aren't important enough to motivate you to do them.

The solution? Stop making those damn fool resolutions. Who needs them anyway? If you're going to do something, it sure as hell won't be because of some resolution you made while getting drunk in celebration of an annual calendar event. The only people who make those things and stick to them are hyper sixteen year old girls who were in charge of the class publicity in high school. Frankly, it's better to not fulfil them than to risk that stereotype.

So what do you do if you need some motivation to do something? That's way beyond us. We're just a web site. Usually a humor site at that, and if you can't get off your lazy fat ass to do something about it, nothing written here will make it happen. Sorry, that's just not our field.

So have a happy New Year. We want you too. May the market smile on your investments and the subway appear as you enter the station, but consider this: Things are only as you make them. For this to be a good year, you have to make it that way. Last heard, nothing ever came to anybody. So work hard, and when you need a break, come to spudWorks. We'll be here, ready to make your life seem not so bad.